Okay, last post was pretty damned melancholy but I have to say I know why people have written diaries for millenia now, writing down all the things that have been bugging me was like lancing a boil, all that figurative puss sitting around my brain drained out and the relief was unbelievable. It helped me put some things in perspective and realise that yes, I am actually a good person who has strayed from the path now and again. The things I have done are regrettable but they shouldn't make me feel like less of a person; especially in light of some of the awesome things I have done in my life. This first post will be about all the sweet "stereotypical travelly things" I have done around the world whilst there will be another one with just general awesomeness.
Australia:
- Surfed
- Been to both tropical and temperate rainforests
- Travelled across a red desert
- Drank a cold beer at the beach on a 40+C day with a bbq and mates
Finland:
- Walked on a frozen sea
- Seen the midnight sun and the northern lights
- Had a reindeer sleigh ride
- Had sauna then avanto (swimming in a hole in the ice at circa -30C)
Russia:
- Drunk 3 euro per litre vodka
- Seen the summer and winter (hermitage) palaces in St Petersburg
The Baltics:
- Went to a folk festival in a 13th century crusader castle
- Ate ice cream from a tube and drank beer from a 2L bottle
- Shot an AK47
- Took a ride on a bus that sold more tickets than it had seats (we got 43 and 44 on a 42 seat bus)
Central Europe:
- Drank beer and ate massive hunks of meat in Germany
- Climbed the Dolomites in Italy
- Ate waffles and chocolate in Belgium
- Played poker in Monaco (they refused us entry so AS and I played poker on the roundabout mound in front of all the casinos)
Western Europe:
- Made love for the first time (18 year old virgin, yeah I know, lame) with a girl I loved on our 3 month anniversary in a hotel room in Paris
- Climbed the Eiffel Tower (a win for me cause I'm damned afraid of heights and that thing swayed. SWAYED)
- Danced the pony under the eiffel tower with a massive group (c'mon and ride that pony, ride around that big white pony)
- Drank wine and had a midnight swim in the meditteranean.
The UK:
- Walked down Portabello road
- Went to Edinburgh Castle
Japan:
- Ate trainstation sushi (suprisingly good and cheap)
- Got lost as hell trying to navigate around Tokyo on the metro system
- Play pachinko
Writing out this list has just concreted my desire to travel again, holy crap how is life NOT meant for travelling? Want want want.
Tuesday, 23 August 2011
Saturday, 13 August 2011
Confessions of an Arsehole
Well, before I get into the meat of this post I need to say that I'd like to think I've spent most of my life trying (emphasis on try) to be a good person and it's just at certain points here or there I've failed miserably, I don't think I'm a bad person all in all. Also, I want to direct any readers to http://alwaysforward-neverstraight.blogspot.com/2011/08/terms-and-conditions.html and http://alwaysforward-neverstraight.blogspot.com/2011/08/disclaimer.html before they start reading.
Well, like I said I've messed up the whole being a good person thing a few times and well, the last couple of days I've had the guilt riding around in my brain for some unknown reason so I'mma gonna go ahead and throw them out into the webs (It's not like I'm not going to mention the names of my victims and from now on if I do have to mention a name in my blog I'll only be using their initials, sure they'll know who they are and their close friends would be able to work it out but they would probably know anything I post on here anyway.
Up until I turned eighteen my arseholishness was pretty much your run of the mill crap, a small lie here, a case of sticky fingers there and well, a rampaging set of arrogance glands (this was mostly 13-15 but it covered a long time frame).
My first piece of true arsehole actually started on my eighteenth birthday with a female friend of a friend I met on the beach party for the end of exams / my birthday. It wasn't long before I was in my first real relationship (the one before that doesn't really count as I was more of an emotional punching bag than a boyfriend) and that's all well and good except: I didn't even tell my parents I had a girlfriend, just "went off to watch movies with friends" which is pretty run of the mill for a self conscious teenager I suppose, even introducing her to my mother as "a friend" when we met down the street. The harshness came after I got back from exchange and after organising to "be back together" was a complete douchebag. See, I left a fairly nice guy with low self esteem and returned "the gods' gift to women" due to some interesting shit that went down whilst a rotary exchanger...
This is when shit got serious and it started just two days into my year in Finland what's more. See, there was this girl who I thought was pretty nice, if shy and socially inept (seeing myself there much?) but quite a few of the other exchangers at the camp were being pretty mean to her due to her trying to make friends. She even leant me her gloves cause my hands were cold. How did I repay this? Well, when she started to have feeling for me I led her on, it made me feel good about myself I must say, having someone want to be with me. I then pretty much promptly forgot about her once I had a real girlfriend that wasn't 300kms away. I did tell her I had a girlfriend, that I wanted to be friends but that was after I had sent dirty messages to her near the end of my exchange. When I was returning to Finland for love # 3 for the first time I told her and said I wanted to meet up. When she found out I had a girlfriend and that was the main reason I was going back her exact words were burned into my mind "I've saved myself for you all this time." She then preceded to delete her IRC-Galleria account, her email and her MSN account. I've wanted to apologise for four years now, I want to know what she's doing with her life but my attempt at detective work (see: internet stalking) have turned up very little. I hope you're happy out there JY.
Next came love # 1, of all the douchebag, arseholish (yes, I'm making this a word, call me Shakespeare) things I've done to people this is probably the worst: a) because she didn't deserve it at all and b) I can't believe I was so emotionally retarded as a teenager. When we were going out I was emotionally abusive, she had her insecurities about liking her friend and well, I did but at that point I loved her so everytime she brought it up instead of doing the right thing I went ahead and made jokes that made things worse, not better. The worst thing though was after she had returned to her home country instead of trying to make things work like she was more than willing to do I blew her off and more than that I insulted her home, talked about my new flings with and even drunkenly blamed her because her old friends didn't want to go out with me. "Goodbye Earl."
Well, in the damn short interim between falling in love again (yeah, that counts too) I had a girl I was crushing on pretty badly (she was a friend of love # 1 and just out of a messy breakup) that I ended up sleeping with (because "that's all I wanted wasn't it?"), a girlfriend who thought I was being faithful and I can only assume was being faithful to me (also a friend of love #1, yeah I was an arsehole to her), a fuckbuddy (who became love #2), the aforementioned girl I was leading on (I can't remember if it was actively or passively at this point) and the girl from back home I mentioned first that I was talking to. That's five women, none of whom deserved this shit.
Then there's love # 2, saying shit like "she's not girlfriend material" to her face then preceding to date her for several months isn't enough? Well I did the worst thing. physically to this poor lass, pounding away with four fingers I looked down, thought for a second, smiled and without warning or change of pace; I made a fist and went for something I'd seen in a movie once. Needless to say she was hurt in a very sensitive area. I look back and still can't believe I did that shit. Also, after breaking up and not seeing each other for years I took her for granted after being thrown out into the street and assumed that she would want to sleep with me in my mental breakdown phase (damn, who could resist?), That and when crashing at her place (a few months after that illfated assumption) I was at a party with her friends and for the first time in my life blacked out. Apparently I said quite a lot of hateful things, she had been pretty mean the preceding week so my subconscious through up all kinds of stuff and I know my subconscious. It would've gone for the jugular.
Love # 3 I met whilst out with love # 1 (before we were going out or really knew her at all) and well, it was what they call love at first sight, at least for me but she lived all the way across the country and was near impossible to get in touch with most of the time so hey, I went ahead and fell in love with someone else (disclaimer time: my feelings were completely sincere, it just amazes me how I could've done this and it's still a douche move). But when I got back to Australia, hey all I could think was "that was love at first sight, I wonder where that could've gone" and pushed and prodded until she flew over to stay with me and my shitty housemate. It all went well until she fell out of love. It took me ages to let go and in the meantime I said some pretty hurtful shit (both to her face and behind her back).
Whilst squatting like a boss I picked up a disease I hadn't even heard of from a Russian and well, it was pretty shit all in all seeing as it wasn't even one of those fun, sexually transmitted ones (though I don't think I would have liked getting one of those from him) but despite my best efforts to kill it whilst there I brought it back to Aus with me. I gave it to my fuckbuddy at the time (disclaimer: I truly thought I was over it at that point) (yeah, fuckbuddy, keeping all kinds of emotionally distant from those you sleep with like a true arsehole should) and I didn't find out whilst we were together. When I did find out because my mate caught it off her (it has a 2 month incubation time) my only reaction was "LAWL, that's what you get for sleeping with dirty tramps." Man I'm an arse.
Oh and one last, short one. I slept with a woman who had a wife and my first thought wasn't "shit, that poor woman, I've just become an adulterer;" it was "Woo, bragging rights, how many of my mates have nailed someone with a wife? Win." Oh and I also dead kennedied which I couldn't really help (drunk, stoned, depressed and having someone say "go on, fuck me like a man does: I defy anyone to not under those circumstances) but it's still a dick move.
Not so forward, not so straight
Alastair Michael
Well, like I said I've messed up the whole being a good person thing a few times and well, the last couple of days I've had the guilt riding around in my brain for some unknown reason so I'mma gonna go ahead and throw them out into the webs (It's not like I'm not going to mention the names of my victims and from now on if I do have to mention a name in my blog I'll only be using their initials, sure they'll know who they are and their close friends would be able to work it out but they would probably know anything I post on here anyway.
Up until I turned eighteen my arseholishness was pretty much your run of the mill crap, a small lie here, a case of sticky fingers there and well, a rampaging set of arrogance glands (this was mostly 13-15 but it covered a long time frame).
My first piece of true arsehole actually started on my eighteenth birthday with a female friend of a friend I met on the beach party for the end of exams / my birthday. It wasn't long before I was in my first real relationship (the one before that doesn't really count as I was more of an emotional punching bag than a boyfriend) and that's all well and good except: I didn't even tell my parents I had a girlfriend, just "went off to watch movies with friends" which is pretty run of the mill for a self conscious teenager I suppose, even introducing her to my mother as "a friend" when we met down the street. The harshness came after I got back from exchange and after organising to "be back together" was a complete douchebag. See, I left a fairly nice guy with low self esteem and returned "the gods' gift to women" due to some interesting shit that went down whilst a rotary exchanger...
This is when shit got serious and it started just two days into my year in Finland what's more. See, there was this girl who I thought was pretty nice, if shy and socially inept (seeing myself there much?) but quite a few of the other exchangers at the camp were being pretty mean to her due to her trying to make friends. She even leant me her gloves cause my hands were cold. How did I repay this? Well, when she started to have feeling for me I led her on, it made me feel good about myself I must say, having someone want to be with me. I then pretty much promptly forgot about her once I had a real girlfriend that wasn't 300kms away. I did tell her I had a girlfriend, that I wanted to be friends but that was after I had sent dirty messages to her near the end of my exchange. When I was returning to Finland for love # 3 for the first time I told her and said I wanted to meet up. When she found out I had a girlfriend and that was the main reason I was going back her exact words were burned into my mind "I've saved myself for you all this time." She then preceded to delete her IRC-Galleria account, her email and her MSN account. I've wanted to apologise for four years now, I want to know what she's doing with her life but my attempt at detective work (see: internet stalking) have turned up very little. I hope you're happy out there JY.
Next came love # 1, of all the douchebag, arseholish (yes, I'm making this a word, call me Shakespeare) things I've done to people this is probably the worst: a) because she didn't deserve it at all and b) I can't believe I was so emotionally retarded as a teenager. When we were going out I was emotionally abusive, she had her insecurities about liking her friend and well, I did but at that point I loved her so everytime she brought it up instead of doing the right thing I went ahead and made jokes that made things worse, not better. The worst thing though was after she had returned to her home country instead of trying to make things work like she was more than willing to do I blew her off and more than that I insulted her home, talked about my new flings with and even drunkenly blamed her because her old friends didn't want to go out with me. "Goodbye Earl."
Well, in the damn short interim between falling in love again (yeah, that counts too) I had a girl I was crushing on pretty badly (she was a friend of love # 1 and just out of a messy breakup) that I ended up sleeping with (because "that's all I wanted wasn't it?"), a girlfriend who thought I was being faithful and I can only assume was being faithful to me (also a friend of love #1, yeah I was an arsehole to her), a fuckbuddy (who became love #2), the aforementioned girl I was leading on (I can't remember if it was actively or passively at this point) and the girl from back home I mentioned first that I was talking to. That's five women, none of whom deserved this shit.
Then there's love # 2, saying shit like "she's not girlfriend material" to her face then preceding to date her for several months isn't enough? Well I did the worst thing. physically to this poor lass, pounding away with four fingers I looked down, thought for a second, smiled and without warning or change of pace; I made a fist and went for something I'd seen in a movie once. Needless to say she was hurt in a very sensitive area. I look back and still can't believe I did that shit. Also, after breaking up and not seeing each other for years I took her for granted after being thrown out into the street and assumed that she would want to sleep with me in my mental breakdown phase (damn, who could resist?), That and when crashing at her place (a few months after that illfated assumption) I was at a party with her friends and for the first time in my life blacked out. Apparently I said quite a lot of hateful things, she had been pretty mean the preceding week so my subconscious through up all kinds of stuff and I know my subconscious. It would've gone for the jugular.
Love # 3 I met whilst out with love # 1 (before we were going out or really knew her at all) and well, it was what they call love at first sight, at least for me but she lived all the way across the country and was near impossible to get in touch with most of the time so hey, I went ahead and fell in love with someone else (disclaimer time: my feelings were completely sincere, it just amazes me how I could've done this and it's still a douche move). But when I got back to Australia, hey all I could think was "that was love at first sight, I wonder where that could've gone" and pushed and prodded until she flew over to stay with me and my shitty housemate. It all went well until she fell out of love. It took me ages to let go and in the meantime I said some pretty hurtful shit (both to her face and behind her back).
Whilst squatting like a boss I picked up a disease I hadn't even heard of from a Russian and well, it was pretty shit all in all seeing as it wasn't even one of those fun, sexually transmitted ones (though I don't think I would have liked getting one of those from him) but despite my best efforts to kill it whilst there I brought it back to Aus with me. I gave it to my fuckbuddy at the time (disclaimer: I truly thought I was over it at that point) (yeah, fuckbuddy, keeping all kinds of emotionally distant from those you sleep with like a true arsehole should) and I didn't find out whilst we were together. When I did find out because my mate caught it off her (it has a 2 month incubation time) my only reaction was "LAWL, that's what you get for sleeping with dirty tramps." Man I'm an arse.
Oh and one last, short one. I slept with a woman who had a wife and my first thought wasn't "shit, that poor woman, I've just become an adulterer;" it was "Woo, bragging rights, how many of my mates have nailed someone with a wife? Win." Oh and I also dead kennedied which I couldn't really help (drunk, stoned, depressed and having someone say "go on, fuck me like a man does: I defy anyone to not under those circumstances) but it's still a dick move.
Not so forward, not so straight
Alastair Michael
Thursday, 11 August 2011
The Ice Cream Flavours of Sex
Well a mate of mine and I have had this discussion a couple of times, trying to quantify what flavour each sexual practice is (due to the original being called vanilla) and I've decided to finally try an exhaustive list of quantification.
Vanilla - Everyone knows this flavour, it's your normal, everyday (some would say boring) sex, It's the flavour you eat when you're with someone you don't know that well and don't want them to be put off by your choice of ice cream flavours or when you can't be bothered with something fancy.
French Vanilla / Old Vanilla etc. - Homosexual sex. It's the ice cream flavour some will get instead of vanilla because they prefer the taste. Everyone has their preference but most people don't really care which flavour someone eats in their own home. There is a vocal minority that think French Vanilla is a perversion unto all ice cream everywhere and as such should be banned from sale at supermarkets and ice cream parlours.
Soft Serve Ice Cream - One Night Stands. This is ice cream that's quick, easy and relatively cheap but well it just isn't as enjoyable as the real deal, also you (usually) can't get the same variety in flavours.
Choc chip - Anal Sex. This is pretty much just vanilla ice cream with one small difference, a difference some will claim makes it much more enjoyable than the usual whilst others find it disgusting.
Chocolate - Rimming, Arse to Mouth etc. This is the little difference between choc chip and vanilla taken to the extreme and again there's those disgusted with this difference and those that swear by it.
Where this analogy breaks down is you can get chocolate soft serve but not choc chip, if only it was the other way around.
Strawberry - Cumshots/Facials. This, like choc chip is another fairly common flavour that people choose as a break from their usual vanilla though quite a few people find the taste unpalatable.
Licorice - BDSM. There are those that love this ice cream flavour because it's just the right mix of painfully disgusting and pleasurably delicious and there are those that hate it and find the taste only disgusting. Of those that do enjoy it most will only eat it in there own homes with those they trust. Salmiakki (Dutch Licorice / Turkish Pepper) flavour is things like blood play because it takes the licorice flavour that one step further.
Pineapple - Watersports. This flavour is tangy and loved by some but most people find it just plain disgusting.
Neopolitan - Porn. The mixture of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry seems to be the most popular combination as far as I can see.
Boysenberry - Sex whilst she's on her period. Boysenberry is mostly vanilla icecream but it has a weird, red mixed into it that can turn some off whilst others find it preferable. I've yet to see Boysenberry that uses French Vanilla as a base but I'm sure it exists and that someone somewhere loves it.
Rum 'n' Raisin - Morning after sex. Now you can get that alcohol taste in your ice cream, along with a hint of something more, it's the after taste you have to worry about here.
Gelati - Oral Sex. Gelati ticks most of the same boxes as Ice Cream when it comes to enjoyment but it's not quite the same. Some people prefer it and nearly everyone considers it the "low fat, less wicked alternative."
So far this is all I've got but please do make your own suggestions or even just supply ice cream flavours / sex acts that I've forgotten,
Always Forward, Never Straight
Alastair
Vanilla - Everyone knows this flavour, it's your normal, everyday (some would say boring) sex, It's the flavour you eat when you're with someone you don't know that well and don't want them to be put off by your choice of ice cream flavours or when you can't be bothered with something fancy.
French Vanilla / Old Vanilla etc. - Homosexual sex. It's the ice cream flavour some will get instead of vanilla because they prefer the taste. Everyone has their preference but most people don't really care which flavour someone eats in their own home. There is a vocal minority that think French Vanilla is a perversion unto all ice cream everywhere and as such should be banned from sale at supermarkets and ice cream parlours.
Soft Serve Ice Cream - One Night Stands. This is ice cream that's quick, easy and relatively cheap but well it just isn't as enjoyable as the real deal, also you (usually) can't get the same variety in flavours.
Choc chip - Anal Sex. This is pretty much just vanilla ice cream with one small difference, a difference some will claim makes it much more enjoyable than the usual whilst others find it disgusting.
Chocolate - Rimming, Arse to Mouth etc. This is the little difference between choc chip and vanilla taken to the extreme and again there's those disgusted with this difference and those that swear by it.
Where this analogy breaks down is you can get chocolate soft serve but not choc chip, if only it was the other way around.
Strawberry - Cumshots/Facials. This, like choc chip is another fairly common flavour that people choose as a break from their usual vanilla though quite a few people find the taste unpalatable.
Licorice - BDSM. There are those that love this ice cream flavour because it's just the right mix of painfully disgusting and pleasurably delicious and there are those that hate it and find the taste only disgusting. Of those that do enjoy it most will only eat it in there own homes with those they trust. Salmiakki (Dutch Licorice / Turkish Pepper) flavour is things like blood play because it takes the licorice flavour that one step further.
Pineapple - Watersports. This flavour is tangy and loved by some but most people find it just plain disgusting.
Neopolitan - Porn. The mixture of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry seems to be the most popular combination as far as I can see.
Boysenberry - Sex whilst she's on her period. Boysenberry is mostly vanilla icecream but it has a weird, red mixed into it that can turn some off whilst others find it preferable. I've yet to see Boysenberry that uses French Vanilla as a base but I'm sure it exists and that someone somewhere loves it.
Rum 'n' Raisin - Morning after sex. Now you can get that alcohol taste in your ice cream, along with a hint of something more, it's the after taste you have to worry about here.
Gelati - Oral Sex. Gelati ticks most of the same boxes as Ice Cream when it comes to enjoyment but it's not quite the same. Some people prefer it and nearly everyone considers it the "low fat, less wicked alternative."
So far this is all I've got but please do make your own suggestions or even just supply ice cream flavours / sex acts that I've forgotten,
Always Forward, Never Straight
Alastair
Many a Thought
Well LiveJournal has been down for the last couple of weeks and whilst I'm sure there has been much gnashing of teeth from the blogging community I for one am actually glad of the downtime because I've been depressed lately and I'm sure this place has quite enough "damn, I feel like the stereotypical nice guy that always finishes last" bullshit. My depression isn't normally so melancholy and "woe is me" but hey, I didn't deserve the whole abusive housemate crap on top of the perpetually single (forever aloooooooooone) conundrum despite my past as an all around bastard (only at certain acute points I might add) so I don't feel too bad about it all.
What've I been doing with myself the screaming multituides cry? Working; Like a boss is the only answer there could ever be and it has actually been pretty sweet. My bosses treat me with a small amount of respect, I'm raking in some coins and hey I have done some pretty sweet things lately.
My babies have already hatched, I'm now the proud father of over half a million alevins, all swimming around and living off their egg sac like the cutie pies that they are. These are "fish" that I helped strip, fertilise and lay down and oversaw the incubation of. I have now had my sticky fingers in every element of trout growth and development and it may be weird but that's pretty satisfying for me, it's an achievement of sorts in my chosen career path and now the only thing I have to achieve is see some of these babys I have grown last year grow up to be used both as product and as broodstock. Then I've completed a full circle.
Besides that and general duties like processing the fish and cleaning I've been somewhat of a machine operator, I've been driving the tractor and the bobcat (technically a skid steer loader) since those who could do that got fired and the boss was stuck with the option of doing it himself or throwing me at it and saying "don't fuck it up or crash into a pond (something post rave sleep deprivation almost made a reality)." Needless to say he chose the latter. Recently though I've managed to get my grasping hands on the control of a three tonne excavator and I gotta say, it's pretty easy and a good bit of fun. I wouldn't say I'm even competent at it yet but it would be a great skill to have so methinks I'll be seizing every oppurtunity to get in and practice.
Oh, I have to say this; Cleaning fucking sucks, I can handle it at home and I can handle it at work when it's one nice, big job but well today it was a fuck crap tonne of tiny little, pointless jobs getting ready for an audit amd what with my tired self having little patience it pissed me off. All I could think was "fuck, I want to go home, why can't I go home?"
Also an addendum to my trip plans, I want to visit all the little Finno-Ugric speaking minority groups in Russia, most of 'em even have their own autonomous oblasts so one could assume the culture hasn't been too Rusified but I've no diea. It would be sweet at any rate to see and hear the language; Estonian is bad enough what with its extra vowels and lack of vowel harmony so I really want to see what these places have to offer.
Always forward, never straight
Alastair Michael.
What've I been doing with myself the screaming multituides cry? Working; Like a boss is the only answer there could ever be and it has actually been pretty sweet. My bosses treat me with a small amount of respect, I'm raking in some coins and hey I have done some pretty sweet things lately.
My babies have already hatched, I'm now the proud father of over half a million alevins, all swimming around and living off their egg sac like the cutie pies that they are. These are "fish" that I helped strip, fertilise and lay down and oversaw the incubation of. I have now had my sticky fingers in every element of trout growth and development and it may be weird but that's pretty satisfying for me, it's an achievement of sorts in my chosen career path and now the only thing I have to achieve is see some of these babys I have grown last year grow up to be used both as product and as broodstock. Then I've completed a full circle.
Besides that and general duties like processing the fish and cleaning I've been somewhat of a machine operator, I've been driving the tractor and the bobcat (technically a skid steer loader) since those who could do that got fired and the boss was stuck with the option of doing it himself or throwing me at it and saying "don't fuck it up or crash into a pond (something post rave sleep deprivation almost made a reality)." Needless to say he chose the latter. Recently though I've managed to get my grasping hands on the control of a three tonne excavator and I gotta say, it's pretty easy and a good bit of fun. I wouldn't say I'm even competent at it yet but it would be a great skill to have so methinks I'll be seizing every oppurtunity to get in and practice.
Oh, I have to say this; Cleaning fucking sucks, I can handle it at home and I can handle it at work when it's one nice, big job but well today it was a fuck crap tonne of tiny little, pointless jobs getting ready for an audit amd what with my tired self having little patience it pissed me off. All I could think was "fuck, I want to go home, why can't I go home?"
Also an addendum to my trip plans, I want to visit all the little Finno-Ugric speaking minority groups in Russia, most of 'em even have their own autonomous oblasts so one could assume the culture hasn't been too Rusified but I've no diea. It would be sweet at any rate to see and hear the language; Estonian is bad enough what with its extra vowels and lack of vowel harmony so I really want to see what these places have to offer.
Always forward, never straight
Alastair Michael.
Mates, Friends, Acquantinces
Okay, before I get into the meat of the post I have to have a little rant about the things I hate. I hate driving in the rain, at night, on busy roads and on tiny little backstreets. I'm not a huge fan of driving in general really, hence the love of hitchhiking over car hire (though the Scot and the Jew in my ancestry may also have something to do with that). I also hate working when it's too cold, too hot, raining, when I'm sick, when I'm tired, when my boss is being a jerk and well, working in general (go figure huh) though all in all I love my job; It's interesting, engaging and I get to learn something new pretty much on a weekly basis whilst my coworkers and bosses are, at the moment pretty good . Just because I had to do most of these things today they're on my mind but hot showers, junk food and an inexplicable sense of awesome that settled in about four this afternoon balanced these things so all is right with the world.
Okay, as for the meat: Anyone that knows me should know that I overanalyse shit, doctors call it neurosis I suppose but I just call it "my little hobby" and one of the things I overanalyse is my interpersonal interactions so here goes; I have a few boxes in my head that I put people in and by far the three most important are the mates, friends and acquaintances boxes and these incorporate nearly everyone I interact with any regularity.
The first level is an acquaintance, they might be a coworker or a guy you see down the bar of a Friday night with whom you'll play pool and talk shit. The relationship may be enjoyable but at the crux of it its superficial, they may ask you how you're going or how your day has been but they haven't got any concern beyond social convention and natural human empathy. To be an acquaintance someone could be someone you share an interest with, someone you see regularly, someone who is in your social circle for some reason or any of a number of different things. You might have their number but you'll only text them if there's something you think they should know and are unlikely to call them ever.
The next level is a friend, these are the people that you surround yourself with, I'm sure everyone knows what a friend is (if you don't, well, leave a comment, I'll be your friend I promise) but well I'm going to clarify what I see them as. They are the people that make you feel good when you're down (whilst acquaintances make you feel good when you feel good), the ones you turn to for advice and counsel, the people you will trust with almost anything. To be a friend they must have one of the things that make them an acquaintance as well as a certain amount of trust. They don't have to share anything like opinions on important issues, religion or political ideals; Friendship doesn't work like that at all. Just trust and the mind does the rest.
The final level is a mate, The ANZACs in gallipoli and the defenders during the winter war had mates, the guys that would watch their back whilst people died around them, the ones that they would ask to keep their womenfolk safe should they die in battle. I have well over a dozen friends I would say but in the entire world (literally) I only have three mates and these are people that if it really came to the crunch I would drop everything and jump on the next plane to be with them, that I would empty my bank account to save, that I would risk some serious harm for.etc. etc. Mates are the people that make life worth living but I can't tell you what's required for someone to be a mate, hell I had an ex girlfriend of an acquaintance of an ex girlfriend magically evolve into a mate but I suspect it has something to do with shared adversity and a lot of trust.
Sex complicates matters somewhat but I think some simple maths can describe my analysis
Acquaintance + Sex = Hook Up or Fuck Buddy
Friend + Sex = Mistake or Friend with Benefits
Mate + Sex = Soulmate
Always Forward, Never Straight
Okay, as for the meat: Anyone that knows me should know that I overanalyse shit, doctors call it neurosis I suppose but I just call it "my little hobby" and one of the things I overanalyse is my interpersonal interactions so here goes; I have a few boxes in my head that I put people in and by far the three most important are the mates, friends and acquaintances boxes and these incorporate nearly everyone I interact with any regularity.
The first level is an acquaintance, they might be a coworker or a guy you see down the bar of a Friday night with whom you'll play pool and talk shit. The relationship may be enjoyable but at the crux of it its superficial, they may ask you how you're going or how your day has been but they haven't got any concern beyond social convention and natural human empathy. To be an acquaintance someone could be someone you share an interest with, someone you see regularly, someone who is in your social circle for some reason or any of a number of different things. You might have their number but you'll only text them if there's something you think they should know and are unlikely to call them ever.
The next level is a friend, these are the people that you surround yourself with, I'm sure everyone knows what a friend is (if you don't, well, leave a comment, I'll be your friend I promise) but well I'm going to clarify what I see them as. They are the people that make you feel good when you're down (whilst acquaintances make you feel good when you feel good), the ones you turn to for advice and counsel, the people you will trust with almost anything. To be a friend they must have one of the things that make them an acquaintance as well as a certain amount of trust. They don't have to share anything like opinions on important issues, religion or political ideals; Friendship doesn't work like that at all. Just trust and the mind does the rest.
The final level is a mate, The ANZACs in gallipoli and the defenders during the winter war had mates, the guys that would watch their back whilst people died around them, the ones that they would ask to keep their womenfolk safe should they die in battle. I have well over a dozen friends I would say but in the entire world (literally) I only have three mates and these are people that if it really came to the crunch I would drop everything and jump on the next plane to be with them, that I would empty my bank account to save, that I would risk some serious harm for.etc. etc. Mates are the people that make life worth living but I can't tell you what's required for someone to be a mate, hell I had an ex girlfriend of an acquaintance of an ex girlfriend magically evolve into a mate but I suspect it has something to do with shared adversity and a lot of trust.
Sex complicates matters somewhat but I think some simple maths can describe my analysis
Acquaintance + Sex = Hook Up or Fuck Buddy
Friend + Sex = Mistake or Friend with Benefits
Mate + Sex = Soulmate
Always Forward, Never Straight
My awesome plan
Well hi, I'm Alastair and I've had many titles in my life: squatter, lover, exchange student, hatchery manager just to name a few but well, they're all just titles and I'm not exactly sure what I am to be honest. For the last year I've been working my tits off on a trout farm, saving money with a reasonable proficiency considering my age and all that because I've had a dream to own my own house, Not that the house is the big picture, mostly I want the thing you put into a house: a family but well it seems I've been failing at getting most despite my best efforts. Okay, quite a bit in the bank along with more in material possessions I didn't have before the start of the year is pretty respectable for someone in what's basically an entry level job (I've worked quite a few 60+ hour weeks in that time) but well, it's maybe a quarter of what I need in order to get a deposit down and that's if the bank even decides to give a single guy in his mid twenties with no job security (my boss doesn't want to put anyone on anything more than casual) a loan. As for the family? I have more chance of getting the house; I've always been a geek with a problem talking to chicks (well, that's misleading, I can talk to them easily as people, I just can't treat them as women) and a self esteem problem (It's a lot better than it was) but well this is getting retarded. It has been over two years since I was in a relationship with someone I loved and a bit over a year since I had sex that I actually enjoyed. I just don't fuckin' get it, I've worked hard on breaking out of my shell and if I'm attracted to someone actually telling them or showing it instead of dropping inane hints but well, nothing. I'm not a bad person, hell I'd go as far to say I'm a good person at least by how I measure thing but all around me everyone seems to be happy in their relationships whilst I fly solo. It is this sweet fuck all chance to achieve my dreams at the moment that has caused me to find a new dream.
I'm going to hitchhike across three continents and enjoy the fuck out of myself. Fuck saving money (I can get a house later), fuck chasing women (One will come along when the time is right and until then why bother) and fuck the white picket fence dream. A wise seppo (yeah, they exist, go figure) told me "always go forward, never straight" and at the time I laughed and thought it kind of amusing but now I see that it's damned good advice because I've been trying so hard to go straight after my time as a squatter living outside of the system that I've actually stopped moving forward and I hate that. The white picket fence dream is a nice goal but I shouldn't be putting my love of travel and learning aside for it (not to mention my love of booze and other such things) so here's the great plan.
I would start in Adelaide in mid to late April so it's not too hot to hitch (and not too cold by the time I get to Europe) and go from there north to Alice Springs and then Darwin, from Darwin I will take a short flight to Ho Chi Minh (I've read everyone just calls it Saigon and fuck the general and his name changes) and hitchhike up through Vietnam and to Ha Noi. According to hitchwiki (yeah, it's actually a site, awesome huh? That hitching is near impossible in China so I'm going to give it an old fashioned crack and if I come up short then just take the train north to Mongolia. Through Kazakhstan is quicker but hey, I want to see Mongolia. From there I'll go up through Siberia (in summer by now I'm assuming) and into European Russia. From there it's just a skip and a jump to Finland where I'll meet up with friends, drink copious amounts of Olvi and maybe go for more hitching through Europe, maybe fly over the north pole to North America or maybe just fly home. Don't know and probably won't till I get there.
Now to make this dream a reality I already reckon that I have about half of the liquid cash I need and I should be able to get the other half together without a bother (even if I get a minimal amount for the furniture and whitegoods I bought and leave my car with my sister instead of selling it) so cash isn't an issue. Besides that I need to learn Russian, something I've already started trying to each myself (as it will be useful in both Russia and Mongolia, making up the lion's share of my non English speaking travel), I should be able to get by with a few phrases in Mandarin and Vietnamese/French as well as a lonely planet phrasebook for each. I also want to learn a martial art (it probably wouldn't make me any safer but it'd make me feel better about crossing 13,000 + kilometres on my own in a manner which is notoriously dangerous. Sambo would be best but well my options in my home town are Tae Kwan Do, Judo or Mixed Martial Arts. I'm going to see if the MMA place has evening classes. I also have to learn to document my thoughts so I have a souvenir of this awesome adventure, voila, here we are.
Always Forward; Never Straight
Alastair
I'm going to hitchhike across three continents and enjoy the fuck out of myself. Fuck saving money (I can get a house later), fuck chasing women (One will come along when the time is right and until then why bother) and fuck the white picket fence dream. A wise seppo (yeah, they exist, go figure) told me "always go forward, never straight" and at the time I laughed and thought it kind of amusing but now I see that it's damned good advice because I've been trying so hard to go straight after my time as a squatter living outside of the system that I've actually stopped moving forward and I hate that. The white picket fence dream is a nice goal but I shouldn't be putting my love of travel and learning aside for it (not to mention my love of booze and other such things) so here's the great plan.
I would start in Adelaide in mid to late April so it's not too hot to hitch (and not too cold by the time I get to Europe) and go from there north to Alice Springs and then Darwin, from Darwin I will take a short flight to Ho Chi Minh (I've read everyone just calls it Saigon and fuck the general and his name changes) and hitchhike up through Vietnam and to Ha Noi. According to hitchwiki (yeah, it's actually a site, awesome huh? That hitching is near impossible in China so I'm going to give it an old fashioned crack and if I come up short then just take the train north to Mongolia. Through Kazakhstan is quicker but hey, I want to see Mongolia. From there I'll go up through Siberia (in summer by now I'm assuming) and into European Russia. From there it's just a skip and a jump to Finland where I'll meet up with friends, drink copious amounts of Olvi and maybe go for more hitching through Europe, maybe fly over the north pole to North America or maybe just fly home. Don't know and probably won't till I get there.
Now to make this dream a reality I already reckon that I have about half of the liquid cash I need and I should be able to get the other half together without a bother (even if I get a minimal amount for the furniture and whitegoods I bought and leave my car with my sister instead of selling it) so cash isn't an issue. Besides that I need to learn Russian, something I've already started trying to each myself (as it will be useful in both Russia and Mongolia, making up the lion's share of my non English speaking travel), I should be able to get by with a few phrases in Mandarin and Vietnamese/French as well as a lonely planet phrasebook for each. I also want to learn a martial art (it probably wouldn't make me any safer but it'd make me feel better about crossing 13,000 + kilometres on my own in a manner which is notoriously dangerous. Sambo would be best but well my options in my home town are Tae Kwan Do, Judo or Mixed Martial Arts. I'm going to see if the MMA place has evening classes. I also have to learn to document my thoughts so I have a souvenir of this awesome adventure, voila, here we are.
Always Forward; Never Straight
Alastair
Disclaimer
Okay, before I continue there's a couple of things I have to clear up:
Firstly; Everything in this blog that is either illegal or immoral is a complete work of fiction because as everyone knows I'm a boring, rightminded geek who doesn't do anything interesting, that is why I fabricate things to entertain my much more daring and risque readership.
Secondly; All in all I've had a good life, I've a great family, I've known love both romantic and platonic from several people and have a great corps of friends so if I get all melancholy and woe is me it's because I'm caught up in the moment being shitty, All will be better once I get myself up outta the dirt.
That is all.
Firstly; Everything in this blog that is either illegal or immoral is a complete work of fiction because as everyone knows I'm a boring, rightminded geek who doesn't do anything interesting, that is why I fabricate things to entertain my much more daring and risque readership.
Secondly; All in all I've had a good life, I've a great family, I've known love both romantic and platonic from several people and have a great corps of friends so if I get all melancholy and woe is me it's because I'm caught up in the moment being shitty, All will be better once I get myself up outta the dirt.
That is all.
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