Well a mate of mine and I have had this discussion a couple of times, trying to quantify what flavour each sexual practice is (due to the original being called vanilla) and I've decided to finally try an exhaustive list of quantification.
Vanilla - Everyone knows this flavour, it's your normal, everyday (some would say boring) sex, It's the flavour you eat when you're with someone you don't know that well and don't want them to be put off by your choice of ice cream flavours or when you can't be bothered with something fancy.
French Vanilla / Old Vanilla etc. - Homosexual sex. It's the ice cream flavour some will get instead of vanilla because they prefer the taste. Everyone has their preference but most people don't really care which flavour someone eats in their own home. There is a vocal minority that think French Vanilla is a perversion unto all ice cream everywhere and as such should be banned from sale at supermarkets and ice cream parlours.
Soft Serve Ice Cream - One Night Stands. This is ice cream that's quick, easy and relatively cheap but well it just isn't as enjoyable as the real deal, also you (usually) can't get the same variety in flavours.
Choc chip - Anal Sex. This is pretty much just vanilla ice cream with one small difference, a difference some will claim makes it much more enjoyable than the usual whilst others find it disgusting.
Chocolate - Rimming, Arse to Mouth etc. This is the little difference between choc chip and vanilla taken to the extreme and again there's those disgusted with this difference and those that swear by it.
Where this analogy breaks down is you can get chocolate soft serve but not choc chip, if only it was the other way around.
Strawberry - Cumshots/Facials. This, like choc chip is another fairly common flavour that people choose as a break from their usual vanilla though quite a few people find the taste unpalatable.
Licorice - BDSM. There are those that love this ice cream flavour because it's just the right mix of painfully disgusting and pleasurably delicious and there are those that hate it and find the taste only disgusting. Of those that do enjoy it most will only eat it in there own homes with those they trust. Salmiakki (Dutch Licorice / Turkish Pepper) flavour is things like blood play because it takes the licorice flavour that one step further.
Pineapple - Watersports. This flavour is tangy and loved by some but most people find it just plain disgusting.
Neopolitan - Porn. The mixture of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry seems to be the most popular combination as far as I can see.
Boysenberry - Sex whilst she's on her period. Boysenberry is mostly vanilla icecream but it has a weird, red mixed into it that can turn some off whilst others find it preferable. I've yet to see Boysenberry that uses French Vanilla as a base but I'm sure it exists and that someone somewhere loves it.
Rum 'n' Raisin - Morning after sex. Now you can get that alcohol taste in your ice cream, along with a hint of something more, it's the after taste you have to worry about here.
Gelati - Oral Sex. Gelati ticks most of the same boxes as Ice Cream when it comes to enjoyment but it's not quite the same. Some people prefer it and nearly everyone considers it the "low fat, less wicked alternative."
So far this is all I've got but please do make your own suggestions or even just supply ice cream flavours / sex acts that I've forgotten,
Always Forward, Never Straight
Alastair
Showing posts with label Quantifying the World. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Quantifying the World. Show all posts
Thursday, 11 August 2011
Mates, Friends, Acquantinces
Okay, before I get into the meat of the post I have to have a little rant about the things I hate. I hate driving in the rain, at night, on busy roads and on tiny little backstreets. I'm not a huge fan of driving in general really, hence the love of hitchhiking over car hire (though the Scot and the Jew in my ancestry may also have something to do with that). I also hate working when it's too cold, too hot, raining, when I'm sick, when I'm tired, when my boss is being a jerk and well, working in general (go figure huh) though all in all I love my job; It's interesting, engaging and I get to learn something new pretty much on a weekly basis whilst my coworkers and bosses are, at the moment pretty good . Just because I had to do most of these things today they're on my mind but hot showers, junk food and an inexplicable sense of awesome that settled in about four this afternoon balanced these things so all is right with the world.
Okay, as for the meat: Anyone that knows me should know that I overanalyse shit, doctors call it neurosis I suppose but I just call it "my little hobby" and one of the things I overanalyse is my interpersonal interactions so here goes; I have a few boxes in my head that I put people in and by far the three most important are the mates, friends and acquaintances boxes and these incorporate nearly everyone I interact with any regularity.
The first level is an acquaintance, they might be a coworker or a guy you see down the bar of a Friday night with whom you'll play pool and talk shit. The relationship may be enjoyable but at the crux of it its superficial, they may ask you how you're going or how your day has been but they haven't got any concern beyond social convention and natural human empathy. To be an acquaintance someone could be someone you share an interest with, someone you see regularly, someone who is in your social circle for some reason or any of a number of different things. You might have their number but you'll only text them if there's something you think they should know and are unlikely to call them ever.
The next level is a friend, these are the people that you surround yourself with, I'm sure everyone knows what a friend is (if you don't, well, leave a comment, I'll be your friend I promise) but well I'm going to clarify what I see them as. They are the people that make you feel good when you're down (whilst acquaintances make you feel good when you feel good), the ones you turn to for advice and counsel, the people you will trust with almost anything. To be a friend they must have one of the things that make them an acquaintance as well as a certain amount of trust. They don't have to share anything like opinions on important issues, religion or political ideals; Friendship doesn't work like that at all. Just trust and the mind does the rest.
The final level is a mate, The ANZACs in gallipoli and the defenders during the winter war had mates, the guys that would watch their back whilst people died around them, the ones that they would ask to keep their womenfolk safe should they die in battle. I have well over a dozen friends I would say but in the entire world (literally) I only have three mates and these are people that if it really came to the crunch I would drop everything and jump on the next plane to be with them, that I would empty my bank account to save, that I would risk some serious harm for.etc. etc. Mates are the people that make life worth living but I can't tell you what's required for someone to be a mate, hell I had an ex girlfriend of an acquaintance of an ex girlfriend magically evolve into a mate but I suspect it has something to do with shared adversity and a lot of trust.
Sex complicates matters somewhat but I think some simple maths can describe my analysis
Acquaintance + Sex = Hook Up or Fuck Buddy
Friend + Sex = Mistake or Friend with Benefits
Mate + Sex = Soulmate
Always Forward, Never Straight
Okay, as for the meat: Anyone that knows me should know that I overanalyse shit, doctors call it neurosis I suppose but I just call it "my little hobby" and one of the things I overanalyse is my interpersonal interactions so here goes; I have a few boxes in my head that I put people in and by far the three most important are the mates, friends and acquaintances boxes and these incorporate nearly everyone I interact with any regularity.
The first level is an acquaintance, they might be a coworker or a guy you see down the bar of a Friday night with whom you'll play pool and talk shit. The relationship may be enjoyable but at the crux of it its superficial, they may ask you how you're going or how your day has been but they haven't got any concern beyond social convention and natural human empathy. To be an acquaintance someone could be someone you share an interest with, someone you see regularly, someone who is in your social circle for some reason or any of a number of different things. You might have their number but you'll only text them if there's something you think they should know and are unlikely to call them ever.
The next level is a friend, these are the people that you surround yourself with, I'm sure everyone knows what a friend is (if you don't, well, leave a comment, I'll be your friend I promise) but well I'm going to clarify what I see them as. They are the people that make you feel good when you're down (whilst acquaintances make you feel good when you feel good), the ones you turn to for advice and counsel, the people you will trust with almost anything. To be a friend they must have one of the things that make them an acquaintance as well as a certain amount of trust. They don't have to share anything like opinions on important issues, religion or political ideals; Friendship doesn't work like that at all. Just trust and the mind does the rest.
The final level is a mate, The ANZACs in gallipoli and the defenders during the winter war had mates, the guys that would watch their back whilst people died around them, the ones that they would ask to keep their womenfolk safe should they die in battle. I have well over a dozen friends I would say but in the entire world (literally) I only have three mates and these are people that if it really came to the crunch I would drop everything and jump on the next plane to be with them, that I would empty my bank account to save, that I would risk some serious harm for.etc. etc. Mates are the people that make life worth living but I can't tell you what's required for someone to be a mate, hell I had an ex girlfriend of an acquaintance of an ex girlfriend magically evolve into a mate but I suspect it has something to do with shared adversity and a lot of trust.
Sex complicates matters somewhat but I think some simple maths can describe my analysis
Acquaintance + Sex = Hook Up or Fuck Buddy
Friend + Sex = Mistake or Friend with Benefits
Mate + Sex = Soulmate
Always Forward, Never Straight
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